Review – Uprize – Lovehoney Trade

By on December 20, 2018

Lovehoney’s latest in-house product is an absolute marvel: a strap-on dildo that transforms from flaccid to erect. If you’re a fan of the male member or simply a sex-tech geek you’ll find the Uprize a thing of great beauty with genuine aesthetic appeal.

At first glance both available 6” and 8” versions are surprisingly intimidating, looking bigger than they actually feel internally. Entirely waterproof, the Uprize comes with a heavy suckered base under its generous testes. The base helps house the battery pack and stops the toy tipping over once erect, but in its Lovehoney harness the weight makes the toy a little unwieldy. That said, for the wearer the Uprize has by far the best and deepest vibrations of any strap-on we’ve tried in well over a decade – and it’s not too noisy either. A fair trade, we’d say.

In moving from flaccid to erect, the Uprize isn’t particularly quiet, sounding like an electric blind being drawn. With a decent range the remote control is useful – especially when the dildo is strapped into its harness – but for us its performance was slightly unreliable, perhaps because the controls weren’t entirely intuitive.

That said, apart from a few professional porn stars I’m not sure how many guys can boast ‘Rock hard erections at the touch of a button’, which is why the future of the Uprize promises so much more than a simple/ fiendishly complex sex toy. Consider its health implications on the area of physical and mental health worldwide: in the world of phalloplasty Uprize could help a penile cancer survivor or FTM trans guy feel complete.

Having held an unsheathed prototype in my hand, seen the mechanics under the skin and been talked through the challenges behind its design, in its silicone-smooth version the Uprize is an impressive appendage. Yet somehow it still feels a little like Uprize Mk1. We would love to see the Uprize in smaller, softer more ‘passable’ packer sizes featuring a realistic-feeling, sliding outer skin.

Still, being being utterly unique, the Uprize has a tangible Wow factor – it’s truly mesmerising. Expect to see this patented technology adopted by every cutting-edge realistic sex doll manufacturer worldwide – the future’s landed, the future’s Uprize.
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